“rose makes life so simple, when all we need to do is to hold her, and smile at her, and . . . what? . . . drink her in! i feel like i'm really living, each day that she's here, and f*** everything else. i want to be able to look back, if she can't make it through these stupid hurdles, and think, hmm, she really knew in every moment that she was loved. i think she will make it, by the way.

what makes it hard is little hannah - yes, still little herself, just a preppie, but boy has she had to grow up this year - bursting into tears tonight and saying she wishes that little rose was healthy. hannah wishes that i picked her up from school - not always other people. that kind of stuff. i can't remember when i last heard her read a school reader!

and lewis being so grown up and understanding - putting himself last! that makes it hard! that does it - i'll bring them to hospital with me tomorrow - bugger school for the moment!”